We're both back to work and back to the normal routine. Returning to work wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. I get teary-eyed when someone asks how I'm doing with that "poor you" look, but after that moment has passed, I'm ok to talk about it.
Right now I have short waves of hurt, mixed with frustration. I'm both sad and angry that the match has thrown me for a loop. Before the match I was mentally prepared to wait another year. I was ok with the wait. I knew our dossier was with the agency and nothing was required from us until we got our match... and that wasn't going to happen for quite some time. Then, we got the call and everything went crazy. We were getting a baby soon! When it fell through, I didn't want to wait a year anymore. :-( It's like this failed match set me off balance. We were told we could get back on the waiting list as soon as we're ready… and emotionally, I think we’re ready, but it’s not just about emotions. Our agency has told us that once we are back on the list, the wait likely won't be long since our profile is more open that most. That being said, we also took an unexpected financial hit with the failed match. This means we need to consider the monetary repercussions of getting back in the game. Ideally, we would have to wait another four months to be more financially secure, but that feels so far away. I know four months doesn't seem like a long time, but when your baby was so close to your arms, it feels like an eternity.
After discussing it at length, we have decided to wait two months before going back on the waiting list. Two months is the halfway point between me wanting to be on the list TODAY and Pierre wanting to be more prepared. It's a compromise... what marriage is all about. :-)
In other news, we found out our provincial home study has been approved for a child or sibling group under the age of 14. YAY! Now we are truly in the ultimate waiting period. However, I know that with the province the wait could be infinitely longer... as in, it could be months as much as it could be years. When we received our match last month I felt so unprepared. I wanted to read all the books to get ready but there just wasn't enough time. I know I should pick up some books now, but it's so hard when you don't know when you'll have a child and have no idea how old he or she will be. We could have a newborn just as much as we could have a teenager. It's a little crazy, huh?
So that's where we are today... waiting to see who we will find at the end of our red string.