Since we announced our adoption a few weeks ago, we've received a lot of questions. Most of the questions are similar to what any parent to be might hear: When are you due? Do you know if it's a boy or a girl? Have you picked a name? How are you feeling?
Then, there are the questions only adoptive parents get: Where is the baby from? What do you know about the birth parents? Will you be there when the baby is born? When are you travelling? Will the birth mom/parents want contact after the baby is born? How do you know the birth mother is telling the truth in regards to her health? Aren't you worried the birth mother did drugs, smoked or worse?
Often, people are surprised when I don't have an answer to many of their questions. No, I don't know much about the birth parents, I don't know if we'll be there at the birth, I don't know when we will be travelling, I don't know if the birth parents will want contact after the child is born, I don't know if everything I've been told about the pregnancy is accurate or not... I'm not even sure of the due date. In fact, you could say we are entering this adoption rather blindly. But you know what? We're ok with it. No matter where the baby is from, what his/her history might be, whether the birth mother drank alcohol, smoked, did drugs or worse, whether the birth mom wants an open adoption or not, that baby still needs parents. That's the bottom line. We need that baby as much as he/she needs us.
When you choose adoption, there is one thing you can be certain of: you aren't in control of the pregnancy or the child's history... and this is something you need to accept from the start. It's hard for so many people who have had biological children to understand... They can't imagine not knowing when the next medical appointment is or how much the baby is measuring or when the EXACT due date is (We currently have 4 due dates spanning a month!). It's a challenge for people around us as well. Your boss wants to know when they need to replace you, your parents want to plan a shower and your friends want to be supportive but have no idea how. So you spend days, weeks and sometimes months apologetically answering: "I don't know" and getting very quizzical looks.
Friends and family have tried to be helpful by suggesting solutions: can't you talk to your agency? Can you ask the birth mother? Can't you talk to the doctor following the birth mother? The thing is, when you get a match you tend to turn into a 16 year old girl who desperately wants a boy to like her. Except the boy is the birth mother and you are so scared she will change her mind that you willingly go into it blindly. You don't want to ask to many questions for fear of scaring her off... you don't want your agency to ask too many questions because you want to respect the birth mom's privacy. It's all a very delicate balance.
So that's where we are today... trying to accept that somewhere in the world there is this wonderful woman willing to give us the most amazing gift and all we can do is close our eyes, take a deep breath and hope for the best. :-)
Then, there are the questions only adoptive parents get: Where is the baby from? What do you know about the birth parents? Will you be there when the baby is born? When are you travelling? Will the birth mom/parents want contact after the baby is born? How do you know the birth mother is telling the truth in regards to her health? Aren't you worried the birth mother did drugs, smoked or worse?
Often, people are surprised when I don't have an answer to many of their questions. No, I don't know much about the birth parents, I don't know if we'll be there at the birth, I don't know when we will be travelling, I don't know if the birth parents will want contact after the child is born, I don't know if everything I've been told about the pregnancy is accurate or not... I'm not even sure of the due date. In fact, you could say we are entering this adoption rather blindly. But you know what? We're ok with it. No matter where the baby is from, what his/her history might be, whether the birth mother drank alcohol, smoked, did drugs or worse, whether the birth mom wants an open adoption or not, that baby still needs parents. That's the bottom line. We need that baby as much as he/she needs us.
When you choose adoption, there is one thing you can be certain of: you aren't in control of the pregnancy or the child's history... and this is something you need to accept from the start. It's hard for so many people who have had biological children to understand... They can't imagine not knowing when the next medical appointment is or how much the baby is measuring or when the EXACT due date is (We currently have 4 due dates spanning a month!). It's a challenge for people around us as well. Your boss wants to know when they need to replace you, your parents want to plan a shower and your friends want to be supportive but have no idea how. So you spend days, weeks and sometimes months apologetically answering: "I don't know" and getting very quizzical looks.
Friends and family have tried to be helpful by suggesting solutions: can't you talk to your agency? Can you ask the birth mother? Can't you talk to the doctor following the birth mother? The thing is, when you get a match you tend to turn into a 16 year old girl who desperately wants a boy to like her. Except the boy is the birth mother and you are so scared she will change her mind that you willingly go into it blindly. You don't want to ask to many questions for fear of scaring her off... you don't want your agency to ask too many questions because you want to respect the birth mom's privacy. It's all a very delicate balance.
So that's where we are today... trying to accept that somewhere in the world there is this wonderful woman willing to give us the most amazing gift and all we can do is close our eyes, take a deep breath and hope for the best. :-)