Two days ago Pierre arrived from work with some news. I had been sleeping all day after a night shift so he asked me if I was awake because he needed to talk to me. I thought he was going to tell me not to forget to plug in the laptop (since I had forgot to plug it in)... but instead he told me the most unexpected news: our agency called. They had a potential match for us and wanted to know if we wanted to be considered. Officially, we weren't back on the waiting list. If you recall, we wanted to wait a few months to get back on our feet financially, so this was very unexpected. Pierre didn't have much information. The birth mother was due for a c-section in two days and it was a case of "I didn't know I was pregnant"... or at least, "I didn't know HOW FAR ALONG I was" and everything was moving very fast. My reaction wasn't what I had expected it to be... I was overwhelmed and confused. Were we ready? We could be parents in two days! Of course, I had to work in an hour so there wasn't much time to discuss. We called the agency and they had already shown our profile to the birth mother. I guess the decision to present our profile or not was out of our hands. The social worker was meeting with the birth mom at that exact moment and they were waiting for her decision. We couldn't do anything but wait now. If she chose us, we would make the decision whether to proceed or not at that point... but in all honesty, we were torn. :-( We weren't even close to where we wanted to be financially and we were still getting over the last failed match... but this was potentially our child! How could we not say yes! The next morning the agency called to tell us the birth mother had chosen another family. I was sad and a little relieved since the decision was taken out of our hands.
The call from the agency brought up a bunch of new emotions. Did we really want to wait longer or would we be ok if we added our names to the list again. Was it too early? Would we be able to make it work if we put our name back on the list and got picked tomorrow? It was a discussion we needed to have... but then, something AMAZING happened! A bunch of my friends were secretly planning a fundraising event for us! Spearheaded by the amazing Michelle, they were planning a virtual 5k race. It was a virtual race because my friends are spread all over the world. The premise: pay a $20 entry fee, get a race bib, run/walk/bike/swim 5 km over the course of the next week and then take a picture with your race bib to post on the facebook page. I found out about the fundraiser last night while scrolling through facebook. Apparently some 30+ friends had been planning this for a while! At first, I didn't know WHAT was going on! Once I caught on, I started quietly repeating, Oh my God... and then I was screaming OH MY GOD! ( I think I scared Pierre). I tried telling my dear friends how much their incredible gesture meant to me, but it was difficult to write a cohesive sentence through streaming tears. Plus, I was running on two hours of sleep from my last night shift! So today, I wanted to tell you a bit about these amazing people.
You see, this group of girls are not your typical friends. In fact, I often refer to them as my "imaginary friends", although they are very real. I met many of these girls over a decade ago on a website. I realise it sounds super nerdy to have internet friends, but read on and you'll understand a little more about our special relationship. Some of the girls, like Michelle, I've met and have frequently hung out with, while others I've never met in person... but all of them know more about me and my life than most people I see every day.
We met on a Canadian wedding planning website that no longer exists. Many of the girls are still married, some are now divorced, some remarried and some, like me, never ended up marrying the person they were planning a wedding with over a decade ago. After the wedding planning was over, a core group of us continued to keep in touch and a few discussion boards were born from our need to stay connected. What started out as discussions on bridesmaid dresses and corsages, eventually turned into real life issues: family, kids, work, loss and triumph. Together we have seen each other through the good times and the bad. We've welcomed so many babies into the world and ugly cried when a child left this world much too early. We've virtually held each other's hand through divorce, infertility, financial crisis, life altering accidents and illnesses and loss. We've cheered each other on through first races, difficult pregnancies, professional accomplishments, educational challenges and first dates. We've cried together, we've laughed together and occasionally got drunk together! :-) Many of the girls have met up with others when travelling to other provinces, some even got together in Vegas while a few more hung out while they happened to be in Paris at the same time.
When we got our first match, I couldn't wait to tell my girls. Their reaction was ELECTRIC! I can't think of a better word... their excitement was palpable and the tears where real when the adoption fell through. All I can say is, one day I will be showing them pictures of my child and all over Canada (and around the world) there will be woman crying of joy with me because they've read every post and been there every step of the way. There is something so liberating about being able to write out your feelings knowing an entire community of women have your back.
Most people have trouble understanding how I could be so close to women I've never met, but to me, it's irrelevant. The way they have rallied behind Pierre and I with this fundraising event is proof that friendship comes in many forms. Because of THEM, because of their efforts, because of their generosity, because of their compassion, because of their love, Pierre and I have decided to get back on the waiting list. I love you all so much... regardless of the financial contribution, you have given me hope again. Here's to third time's the charm!
The call from the agency brought up a bunch of new emotions. Did we really want to wait longer or would we be ok if we added our names to the list again. Was it too early? Would we be able to make it work if we put our name back on the list and got picked tomorrow? It was a discussion we needed to have... but then, something AMAZING happened! A bunch of my friends were secretly planning a fundraising event for us! Spearheaded by the amazing Michelle, they were planning a virtual 5k race. It was a virtual race because my friends are spread all over the world. The premise: pay a $20 entry fee, get a race bib, run/walk/bike/swim 5 km over the course of the next week and then take a picture with your race bib to post on the facebook page. I found out about the fundraiser last night while scrolling through facebook. Apparently some 30+ friends had been planning this for a while! At first, I didn't know WHAT was going on! Once I caught on, I started quietly repeating, Oh my God... and then I was screaming OH MY GOD! ( I think I scared Pierre). I tried telling my dear friends how much their incredible gesture meant to me, but it was difficult to write a cohesive sentence through streaming tears. Plus, I was running on two hours of sleep from my last night shift! So today, I wanted to tell you a bit about these amazing people.
You see, this group of girls are not your typical friends. In fact, I often refer to them as my "imaginary friends", although they are very real. I met many of these girls over a decade ago on a website. I realise it sounds super nerdy to have internet friends, but read on and you'll understand a little more about our special relationship. Some of the girls, like Michelle, I've met and have frequently hung out with, while others I've never met in person... but all of them know more about me and my life than most people I see every day.
We met on a Canadian wedding planning website that no longer exists. Many of the girls are still married, some are now divorced, some remarried and some, like me, never ended up marrying the person they were planning a wedding with over a decade ago. After the wedding planning was over, a core group of us continued to keep in touch and a few discussion boards were born from our need to stay connected. What started out as discussions on bridesmaid dresses and corsages, eventually turned into real life issues: family, kids, work, loss and triumph. Together we have seen each other through the good times and the bad. We've welcomed so many babies into the world and ugly cried when a child left this world much too early. We've virtually held each other's hand through divorce, infertility, financial crisis, life altering accidents and illnesses and loss. We've cheered each other on through first races, difficult pregnancies, professional accomplishments, educational challenges and first dates. We've cried together, we've laughed together and occasionally got drunk together! :-) Many of the girls have met up with others when travelling to other provinces, some even got together in Vegas while a few more hung out while they happened to be in Paris at the same time.
When we got our first match, I couldn't wait to tell my girls. Their reaction was ELECTRIC! I can't think of a better word... their excitement was palpable and the tears where real when the adoption fell through. All I can say is, one day I will be showing them pictures of my child and all over Canada (and around the world) there will be woman crying of joy with me because they've read every post and been there every step of the way. There is something so liberating about being able to write out your feelings knowing an entire community of women have your back.
Most people have trouble understanding how I could be so close to women I've never met, but to me, it's irrelevant. The way they have rallied behind Pierre and I with this fundraising event is proof that friendship comes in many forms. Because of THEM, because of their efforts, because of their generosity, because of their compassion, because of their love, Pierre and I have decided to get back on the waiting list. I love you all so much... regardless of the financial contribution, you have given me hope again. Here's to third time's the charm!