We're at the airport waiting for our first of three flights back home. After receiving the news of the failed adoption, we decided to stay a few extra days in Florida to regroup. We spent much of the time relaxing and taking in a few sights. We focused on "us" and on healing. During this time, it was fairly easy to forget why we were in Florida. The sadness would come in short waves, but for the most part, it felt like any other vacation.
So when we were checking in for our first flight, the overwhelming sadness took me by surprise. On our way to the USA we had planned out how best to return with a newborn. We had discussed what we would need and how we could make the return home less stressful for us and the baby. But here we were, checking in with empty arms. As I stood on line, my mind flashed through scenes of me holding our little girl, while Pierre tried to juggle all the luggage. I imagined people peaking into our carrying to sneak a look at our little girl. I imagined her all dressed up in a carefully chosen outfit to meet her extended family for the first time. I imagined having to change said outfit 4 times before actually making it to our final destination. I imagined the welcoming party at our airport - filled with family and friends who have been waiting for this little-one almost as long as we have. However, I was awoken from my reverie when the service attendant pointed to our playpen and car seat and asked, "where's the baby?" To which we sadly had to respond, "no baby".
On our way up we got that question frequently but we were so giddy that we made jokes: "oh no! We forgot the baby" or "the baby's in the car, we cracked a window", ha ha. Of course we'd say these jokes between us, but when people asked we were excited to announce we were on our way to meet our baby.
So now we're on our way back to the real world. Thankfully, family members have kindly put away the crib and baby clothes to help lessen the blow. Tonight we get to sleep in our bed and tomorrow we get to see our pups. Yes, the journey to healing isn't an easy one, but we've still got wonderful things to look forward to.